Dating While Recovering from an Eating Disorder: What to Know and How to Navigate

I’ll never forget the time a guy I had just started dating invited me over for dinner and said, “I’m making steak and salad—no carbs tonight.” Then there was another guy who, while enjoying a hearty Italian meal, admitted his biggest fear in life was “getting fat.”

At that point, I was several years into recovery from an eating disorder, so their disordered comments didn’t trigger me. But if I’d been earlier in my healing, those interactions could’ve had a serious impact. Even so, I still found these moments difficult to navigate—and they definitely stood in the way of forming meaningful connections. Unsurprisingly, neither relationship lasted.

Since eating disorders often begin during young adulthood—when dating is also common—trying to date while recovering can feel especially complex.

Let’s explore the challenges of dating during eating disorder recovery, how diet culture plays into them, and practical strategies to help you feel more confident and grounded on your next (or first) date.

Why Dating Can Be Especially Challenging in Recovery

Diet Culture Is Everywhere Sadly, diet culture is so ingrained in society that it’s likely you’ll date someone who holds weight biases or engages in disordered eating behaviors like cutting out food groups. When getting to know someone new, you may encounter diet culture language—such as classifying foods as “good” or “bad,” tracking calories, or making lighthearted comments about dieting and body weight., Comments about another person’s food choices or fitness routines can also be triggering. Such seemingly innocent remarks can be harmful, especially when you’re working hard to heal your relationship with food.

Struggling to Meet Your Needs One client of mine found it difficult to get her nutritional needs met around someone who often criticized his own food choices and made negative comments about other people’s bodies. Even if your date seems to have a neutral relationship with food, dating often revolves around meals—which can make it stressful to stick to a meal plan or eat intuitively.

Dating can heighten worries about choosing what to order, how much to eat, or simply feeling uneasy eating in front of someone new.. Societal pressures don’t help. Gendered expectations around food—like the idea that salads are more “feminine” and steaks more “masculine”—can intensify the discomfort, especially when you’re trying to stay grounded in your recovery.

Body Image Issues With so much dating now happening online, body image concerns are magnified. Research shows that using dating apps is linked to lower body image and a higher likelihood of disordered eating behaviors. This is especially true for sexual minority men, where body image issues, diet pill use, and even purging behaviors are more common among dating app users. A lot of people fear being judged based on their appearance, no matter their body size. Those with larger bodies frequently worry about being objectified or fetishized.

Body image concerns can also affect intimacy. Studies show that women with eating disorders experience greater body-related self-consciousness during sex, which can contribute to sexual dissatisfaction.

Fear of Disclosure Opening up about your recovery journey is vulnerable. Many of my clients are unsure when—or if—they should share their eating disorder history with someone they’re dating, for fear of being judged or misunderstood. I’ve been there, too. For a while, I avoided telling new people about my past because I worried they’d reject me.

Strategies for Dating in Recovery

1. Make Sure You’re Ready Ask yourself: Are you in a place where you can show up authentically, advocate for your needs, and be honest without shame? If not, that’s okay. Use your desire for connection as motivation to continue your recovery work. If you want to go on a date and genuinely enjoy eating an ice cream cone, that’s a strong motivation to continue your recovery journey.

2. Set Boundaries Early If your date starts talking about diets, calories, or weight, have a plan for how you’ll respond. Here are some ways to redirect conversations:

• “I’m not really into diet culture—can we talk about something else?”

• “I’m working through some things that make food/body talk tough, so I’d prefer to keep the conversation away from that right now.”

Practice what you’d say ahead of time. And remember: boundaries are about protecting your peace—not changing someone else’s beliefs.

3. Prioritize Your Needs Planning ahead can help you stay grounded. For example, if you’re heading into a meal where a food group might be missing, it’s okay to bring what you need—like I did when I brought potatoes to balance out a carb-free steak and salad dinner. Avoid comparing what’s on your plate to what your date is eating—your nutritional needs are unique to you. Speak up if you need to pause for a snack or pick a restaurant that feels safe.. Try staying mindful of your body's hunger and fullness cues, and honoring them as much as possible.

4. Work on Body Image Body image struggles don’t magically disappear when dating. Remember you are so much more than your body or what you look like. Try wearing clothes that feel good, accepting compliments, and identifying what you value in yourself and others.

Ask yourself:

• “Would I want to be with someone who only values a specific body type?”

• “Are my insecurities affecting how I see this person—or myself?”

Working with a therapist and exploring body image tools like More Than a Body, The Embodied Healing Workbook, or Equip’s free course Freeform can be incredibly helpful.

5. Be Authentically You Healthy relationships require vulnerability. That includes being open about your needs when you’re ready and feeling safe. There’s no pressure to disclose everything early on—but when you do, the right person will respond with care and respect.

For me, one of the greatest gifts of recovery has been finding a partner who embraces me fully—who loves his carbs and supports my journey. Yes, dating in recovery can be tough. But with self-awareness, support, and time, it can also be deeply rewarding..

If you need help healing your relationship to food and body, please reach out to us via the contact page. 

Thanks for reading and take good care,

Caroline

NIMH. "Eating Disorders." National Institute of Mental Health, https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/eating-disorders#part_2569. Accessed 25 July 2025.

World Health Organization Regional Office for Europe. Weight Bias and Obesity Stigma: Considerations for the WHO European Region. 2017, https://iris.who.int/handle/10665/353613. Accessed 25 July 2025.

"Why Do We Say ‘Diet Culture’ Instead of ‘the Patriarchy?’" Psychology Today, 2020, https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/eating-mindfully/202007/why-do-we-say-diet-culture-instead-the-patriarchy. Accessed 25 July 2025.

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