Dating with an Eating Disorder: What to Know and How to Navigate

Most agree—the dating world is already daunting and confusing—but dating with an eating disorder or in recovery adds another layer of complexity. I always remember the time a guy I had just started dating invited me over for dinner and said he was making chicken and salad, but was intentionally leaving carbs out of the meal. Then there was another guy who, while enjoying a hearty Mexican meal, admitted his biggest fear in life was gaining weight.

At that point, I was many years into eating disorder recovery, so their disordered comments didn’t trigger me. But if I’d been earlier in my healing, those interactions could’ve had a serious impact on my mental health. Even so, I still found these moments difficult to navigate—and they definitely stood in the way of forming meaningful connections. Unsurprisingly, neither relationship lasted.

Why Dating with an Eating Disorder is Often a Challenge

Since eating disorders often begin during young adulthood—when dating is also common—trying to date while recovering from an eating disorder can feel especially challenging. Whether you’re healing from anorexia nervosa, binge eating disorder, or another condition, recovery can change the way you approach intimacy, vulnerability, and connection with someone new. Let’s look at the challenges of dating with an eating disorder and in recovery, how diet culture plays into them, and practical strategies to help you feel more confident and grounded on your next (or first) date. This information is meant to support anyone navigating disorder recovery while also trying to build healthy relationships:

Diet Culture Is Everywhere.

Sadly, diet culture is so ingrained in society that it’s likely you’ll date someone who holds weight biases (negative attitudes and beliefs about others because of their weight) or engages in disordered eating behaviors like cutting out food groups. When getting to know someone new, you may encounter diet culture language—such as classifying foods as “good” or “bad,” tracking calories, or making lighthearted comments about dieting and body weight. Comments about another person’s food choices or fitness routines can also be triggering. Such seemingly innocent remarks can be harmful, especially when you’re working hard to heal your relationship with food and eating.

Meeting Your Needs Could be a Struggle.

One client of mine found it difficult to get her nutritional needs met around a partner who often criticized his own food choices and made negative comments about other people’s bodies. Even if your date seems to have a neutral relationship with food, dating often revolves around meals—which can make it stressful to stick to a meal plan or eat intuitively.

Dating with eating disorders or in recovery can heighten worries about choosing what to order, how much to eat, or simply feeling uneasy eating in front of someone new. Societal pressures don’t help. Gendered expectations around food—like the idea that salads are more “feminine” and steaks more “masculine”—can intensify the discomfort, especially when you’re trying to stay grounded in your recovery.

There May be Body Image Issues

With so much dating now happening online, body image concerns are magnified. Research shows that using dating apps is linked to lower body image and a higher likelihood of disordered eating behaviors. This is especially true for sexual minority men, where body image issues, diet pill use, and even purging behaviors are more common among dating app users. A lot of people fear being judged based on their appearance, no matter their body size. Those with larger bodies frequently worry about being objectified or fetishized.

Body image concerns can also affect intimacy. Studies show that women with eating disorders experience greater body-related self-consciousness during sex, which can contribute to sexual dissatisfaction. This experience can make it harder to feel emotionally safe and connected in a relationship.

You Might Fear Disclosure.

Opening up about your recovery journey is vulnerable. Many of my clients are unsure when—or if—they should share their eating disorder history with someone they’re dating, for fear of being judged or misunderstood. I’ve been there, too. For a while, I avoided telling new people about my past because I worried they’d reject me or fail to understand the reality of disorder recovery and treatment.

Strategies for Dating with an Eating Disorder and in Recovery

Here are some strategies I've used personally and professionally for navigating dating with an eating disorder and in recovery:

Check in With Yourself.

Ask yourself: Are you in a place where you can show up authentically, advocate for your needs, and be honest without shame? If not, that’s okay. Use your desire for connection as motivation to continue your recovery work. If you want to go on a date and genuinely enjoy eating an ice cream cone, that’s a strong motivation to continue your recovery journey.

Create Boundaries Early.

If your date starts talking about diets, calories, or weight, have a plan for how you’ll respond. Here are some ways to redirect conversations:

• “I’m not really into diet culture—can we talk about something else?”

• “I’m working through some things that make food/body talk tough, so I’d prefer to keep the conversation away from that right now.”

Practice what you’d say ahead of time. And remember: boundaries are about protecting your peace—not changing someone else’s beliefs. A supportive partner will respect your boundaries and your health needs.

Put Your Needs First.

Planning ahead can help you stay grounded. For example, if you’re heading into a meal where a food group might be missing, it’s okay to bring what you need—like I did when I brought potatoes to balance out a carb-free steak and salad dinner. Avoid comparing what’s on your plate to what your date is eating—your nutritional needs are unique to you. Speak up if you need to pause for a snack or pick a restaurant that feels safe. Try staying mindful of your body's hunger and fullness cues (which is a foundational practice of intuitive eating), and honoring them as much as possible.

If you’re currently in treatment for an eating disorder, it may also help to discuss dating experiences with your therapist or care team for additional support and guidance.

Work on Body Image.

Body mage struggles don’t magically disappear when dating. Remember you are so much more than your body or what you look like. While dating with an eating disorder or in recovery, try wearing clothes that feel good, accepting compliments, and identifying what you value in yourself and others.

Ask yourself:

• “Would I want to be with someone who only values a specific body type?”

• “Are my insecurities affecting how I see this person—or myself?”

Working with a dietitian or therapist in body image counseling and exploring body image resources like More Than a Body or The Embodied Healing Workbook can be incredibly helpful while dating with an eating disorder or in recovery. You can also search for local or virtual support groups to connect with others who understand your experience and want to learn alongside you.

Be Authentically You.

Healthy relationships require vulnerability. That includes being open about your needs when you’re ready and feeling safe. There’s no pressure to disclose everything early on—but when you do, the right person will respond with care, support, and respect. For me, one of the greatest gifts of recovery has been finding a partner who embraces me fully—who loves his carbs and supports my journey. Yes, dating with an eating disorder and in recovery can be tough. But with self-awareness, support, treatment, and time, it can also be deeply rewarding.

FAQs

Here are answers to some of the most common questions we get from clients, friends, and family members when it comes to dating with an eating disorder or in recovery:

Should I date someone with an eating disorder?

If you are interested in dating someone with an eating disorder, it's best to be aware of how to navigate conversations with them, especially about topics like food, body, and exercise. It's also helpful to learn more about eating disorders and understand how you can best support them in their healing process. However, if the person with an eating disorder is not seeking recovery, encouraging and potentially helping them to get help should be the number one priority.

What are some things you can do if your partner has an eating disorder?

If you partner has an eating disorder, the most supportive things you can do are ask them how they'd like you to help them. Learn about their eating disorder, encourage them and help to get treatment, and attend therapy and dietitian sessions with them as it makes sense. Examine your own relationship to food, body, and exercise, and make sure it helps to support their healing.

Should I tell my boyfriend that I have had an eating disorder in the past?

Disclosing your eating disorder history should feel natural and safe to you. When you're reading, it's definitely best to let your partner know about your history so they can understand your needs now at this point in your recovery. Plus, it's a significant part of your personal story and true emotional intimacy comes from authenticity and vulnerability.

How do eating disorders affect relationships?

Eating disorders typically consume an entire person's existence—their thoughts, personality, and behaviors. They can make a person less engaged, energetic, and emotionally resilient, and generally less like themself, so platonic and romantic relationships can naturally suffer. However, eating disorder recovery can help bonds grow stronger over time and become more resilient to hardships.

Would you date someone with an eating disorder?

Dating someone with an eating disorder is a highly personal decision. Some questions to consider are: "Am I open to supporting them through their illness and potential recovery?" and "Do I have my own food or body issues that may create issues for me or them?"

Get Support if You Need it

If you're dating with an eating disorder or in recovery and you need help healing your relationship to food and body, please reach out to us via the contact page. We’re here to provide information, resources, and compassionate support for every stage of your recovery journey.

Thanks for reading and take good care,

Caroline

References

World Health Organization Regional Office for Europe. Weight Bias and Obesity Stigma: Considerations for the WHO European Region. 2017.

Amiraian, D. E., and Jeff Sobal. "Dating and Eating: Beliefs about Dating Foods among University Students." Appetite, vol. 53, no. 2, 2009, pp. 226–232.

Blake, Katherine, et al. "Dating App Usage and Motivations for Dating App Usage Are Associated with Increased Disordered Eating." Journal of Eating Disorders, vol. 10, no. 1, 2022.

Tran, A., et al. "Dating App Use and Unhealthy Weight Control Behaviors among a Sample of U.S. Adults: A Cross-Sectional Study." Journal of Eating Disorders, vol. 7, no. 1, 2019.

Tran, A., et al. "Association between Dating App Use and Unhealthy Weight Control Behaviors and Muscle Enhancing Behaviors in Sexual Minority Men: A Cross-Sectional Study." BMC Public Health, vol. 23, no. 1, 2023.

Spivak-Lavi, Zahava, and Anat Gewirtz-Meydan. "Eating Disorders and Sexual Satisfaction: The Mediating Role of Body Image Self-consciousness during Physical Intimacy and Dissociation." The Journal of Sex Research, vol. 59, no. 3, 2021, pp. 344–353.

This blog post was adapted from an article I wrote for Equip Health.